Where's the Pause Button?

Today I imported some pictures into our iPhoto library and I wound up scrolling though some old pictures and movies of our "big kids" (that's what we call our 6 and 4 year old, our two oldest). And maybe it's my pregnancy hormones, or the fact that this is my last pregnancy, or just the fact that I am a full fledged Mommy now and so I cry easily....but I was so choked up the whole time I was looking at our old pictures and home movies of our kids. I had forgotten how their voices sounded when they that small, I had forgotten how much baby fat they had on their little faces, forgotten about little expressions they made or the way they said certain words. It was bittersweet. I was so glad that I had those pictures and movies, but at the same time I was so sad that time had gone by so quickly.


It feels like such a "Mom" thing to say, but every once and while it just hits me all over again - time is flying, it really does go by SO quickly and kids grow up SO fast. It seems like when you're pregnant with your first baby, you spend the majority of those 9 months hearing other Moms tell you just how fast time goes by, and you smile and promise to treasure every minute - but at 3am when you're trying to get you're 2 week old to eat or fall back asleep you wonder if those other Moms were lying to you. And then you blink and your newborn is suddenly six years old....almost done with Kindergarden, sounding like a big kid and missing all that baby fat on his face.  So, what do you do? I have a feeling that sitting around, crying about how fast your babies are growing up isn't an option :)


Maybe that's why I am so drawn to photography, scrapbooking and keeping a journal (or trying to keep a journal). It seems like a way to freeze time and to hold onto all those heartwarming things that we don't want to forget. Tonight instead of feeling discouraged that I am insanely behind on scrapbooking I am trying to be encouraged and motivated. To see that yes, time is flying by quickly so - stop wasting the precious extra time you do have and spend it doing something you love and actually want to do....work on the scrapbooks, make the quilts and dresses and hair bows and little outfits for them that you want to -  before they're too big to wear them.


Looking through all those old memories also felt like I got a big kick in the rear as far as my attitude about parenting goes. Let's be honest, parenting is hard, tiring and stressful. Yes it is totally worth it - it's wonderful and amazing and filled with heartwarming, priceless movements and I am thankful for every last one of them. But it is also filled with moments where you just want to curl up in a ball in the corner and cry. Sometimes you wonder if you have what it takes, and sometimes you fear that you're a total failure and your kids are going to wind up paying a shrink insane amounts of money to try and figure out how you messed them up so bad. However, I think as mothers we have to be so careful not to give in to that stress and that fear. Sure it's healthy to some degree (we worry because we care, it's just in the job description). But sometimes we wind up so freaked out, discouraged, stressed and caught up in all the hard moments of parenting that we miss the good moments and we forget to stop and just enjoy our kids. I know that I need to take more time to just stop and do nothing but enjoy my kids. To laugh with them and be ridiculous and immature with them. To build LEGO spaceships, brush the dollies hair and just sit on the floor and let my baby girl feed me animal crackers. I need to stop freaking out that the house is a mess and the laundry is behind and that my to-do list is growing at an insane rate. Because my kids are growing even faster. It seems like that to-do list is a snail compared to how fast my kids are growing. And I don't want to miss it. I don't want to look back and realize that I had forgotten how they used to be. I don't want to have to jog my memory through home movies. 


I want to be like Mary and treasure all these things in my heart. To enjoy and appreciate my kids for who they are and not give in to stress, fear and the wrong kinds of "mommy guilt". I want to live by the motto of my favorite "famous scrapbooker", Becky Higgins and "cultivate a good life and record it". God has blessed my husband and I with an incredible, blessed life and I don't want to miss out on any part of it. 


So that's my little challenge to myself, and feel free to steal it for yourself if you need it. Thanks for letting me ramble :)