Love, Fear & Trust

Whew! The past three months have been a whirlwind of getting used to life as a family of 6. It has been fun, exciting, exhausting, wonderful, challenging and a blessing all at once :) We are loving our new, not-so-little family.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about how love and fear go hand in hand. Sounds crazy, but I really think it's true. As I look at my kids lately I realize that I love them so much it scares me. Scares me because I see how much I would loose and how brokenhearted I would be and how life would be no where near as much fun without them. The love I have for them scares me because I realize that, as much as I think I want to, I cannot control everything that happens to them or everything that is said to them. I desire for them to have the most wonderful, awesome, exciting, God-honoring, fabulous lives and it scares me to know that there are things in the world...people, messages, media,  the enemy....that are going to try and discourage them and keep them from living those wonderful lives I dream of for them. It scares me to think that {God forbid} I could potentially be the one to mess that up for them. Sometimes as a mom I get myself so stressed and freaked out thinking that I'm not good enough, not doing enough, not praying enough and that it's messing up my parenting and my sweet kids are going to get messed up  as a result of my lack of parenting skills. And I think that the love I have for them scares me just because I realize that having kids and a husband you adore really and truly is like letting your heart walk around outside of your body. If someone hurts my kids, my heart hurts. If something bothers my husband, my heart is bothered too. I get scared that someone is going to hurt my sons feelings or make my daughters feel like they're not good enough and I won't be able to protect them from it. 

I know that some of these feelings are perfectly normal for any mother to feel, but I also know that some of these feelings are because I struggle with trusting God to take care of the things that really, really matter to me. Sometimes I think that I can do a better job than he can. I think that my way is better, especially when it comes to my family....I mean, I'm the mom - obviously I am the one with the best plan, right?!?! Sadly, I'm not - and while I wish I was the master planner for my entire family, I know that it is far better that I am not. And in a lot of ways that is actually a huge relief. I don't think I could handle that kind of pressure, and in my attempts to protect my kids from all the bad things in the world I know I would wind up holding them back from becoming the best that they could be. And it would hold me back from learning how to actually trust God with the most important things in my life - and if I want my kids to learn how to fully trust God, I should probably learn how to also.

So what do we do when we feel stressed, worn out or scared that we aren't doing a good enough job? Scared that we can't protect our kids as much as we want to or provide a perfect world for them to live in? What do we do when we feel so happy and thankful for the little ones God has given us and, at the same time, so scared that we are going to mess it all up? In all honestly, I don't know. I wish I had the answers and had it all together but I don't. I don't say that in a negative way, just in an honest way. I don't know if any mom on earth has all the answers or quite knows how to handle the wonderful, life changing and overwhelming flood of emotions that having kids brings into your life. I think that as moms we just need to bring all the feelings we have about motherhood and our children to God and leave them in his hands, trusting that he knows best.  My best friend sent me the article below and I loved it. It summed up my feelings and the feelings that I think so many mother's share so perfectly. So I wanted to share it, and to try and encourage any other Moms out there who might be feeling the same way I am. We have a God who is bigger than all our fears, bigger than all our plans and bigger than all the unknowns out there. Like the song says "...our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other. Our God is healer, awesome in power...."

Here's to our God. He's greater than all our fears. And he loves our kids more than we do...even though it's hard to imagine anyone loving our kids more than their Momma's do. :)

Dear Stay at home Mom,

You are a gift of God to your husband and your kids.

But you don't always feel that way, do you?

There's a low-level feeling of guilt that creeps into your heart from time to time. Sometimes it bubbles over into tears, usually on lonely, difficult days.

You scan blogs and read books about being a good mom. You find some helpful tidbits here and there, often from women who are grandmothers now. Women you can learn from but who seem to have forgotten the struggle. They seem to have it all together.

In your heart, you want to be the kind of mom who trains up kids to make a difference for the kingdom. You know it's an honor to be entrusted with these kids. You know you've only got one shot. You want to be the mom who teaches them the Bible, models how to pray, and trains them up in the fear of the Lord.

But most of the time you feel like you're barely holding it all together.

Your house cleaning can't keep up with your kids' mess-making.

The kids embarrass you by acting up right when your guests arrive.

Your husband doesn't get just how worn out you are by the end of the day.

You come to the end of your patience. You lose your temper. Then you feel worse.

The last thing you consider yourself to be is a "good mom." And you think to yourself, It'll be a miracle if my kids turn out okay.

And - surprisingly - that's right where God wants to meet you. The place where you admit your powerlessness and your need for Him.

It's only by God's grace that any kid grows up to be a force for the kingdom.

You see, there are no perfect kids and no perfect mothers. No matter what you read in blogs, see in magazines, and learn in books. There are sinful kids and sinful moms and dads.

And the only thing greater than both is the grace of God. The God who says "there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." The God who loves to forgive, to transform, and empower.

God loves you - not because you are a good mother but just because you are His precious child.

God loves you - not because you've mastered all the skills of parenting but because He has.

It's divine grace that will transform your parenting - not guilt.

It's grace that will keep you going and serving and scrubbing when you're exhausted and worn out.

It's grace that will conquer your feelings of inadequacy and remind you of God's love for you in Christ.

It's grace that goes for the heart of your kids, not just their behavior.

God has demonstrated the fullness of His love for you through the cross of His Son, even while you were still a sinner.

He has promised you His presence.

He has spoken His approval over you in Christ.

He is the perfect Father who delights in you as a daughter.

Find in Him your Treasure and Joy. Be to others what He is to you.

So walk in freedom. Let Him hold you together when everything seems to be falling apart.

Bask in His unfailing love for you. And rest in His promise of power.