I Thought I Knew for Sure...

Looking back to the time before I became a Mom there were so many things that I thought I knew "for sure"

• I thought I knew exactly what my feelings about discipline were, I thought I knew exactly what kinds of discipline techniques I would or would not use
• I thought I would never be one of "those Moms" who dropped their child off at school in their sweats or without full hair & make-up on...
• I thought it would be so easy to fall into a good routine that would help me balance between spending lots of quality time with my kids and also keeping my house clean
• I thought it would be super easy to keep my house clean
• I thought we would spend every moment of the day making crafts and having all kinds of "teachable moments" where we talked about the world and life in general
• The list goes on and on....

I basically thought we'd be skipping through fields all day, singing songs and only taking a break to come inside for a lovely, home cooked meal :)

It turns out I was wrong. Some days I see that I was really wrong and other days I was only off by a little bit. Some days are very "field skipping" kind of days - everyone gets along, everything gets done and we just laugh and smile all day. Other days, that field feels like a huge field of knee deep mud that we are trudging through - but it's so worth it. Sometimes you have to trudge through the mud in order to get to the next field to skip through. That's just how motherhood goes, things can change in an instant. As much as it pains me to admit it, I have definitely had my share of dropping off and picking up my kids at school without a stitch of make up on and wearing a t-shirt and yoga pants (which lets be honest, is pretty much just a cuter way of saying sweats or.....{gulp}...pajamas). I haven't had an easy time keeping my house clean all day and I have most certainly had to change my feelings about discipline. Most of the time I wind up beating myself up over stuff like this. I wind up feeling bad that I can't just pull it together and be the kind of Mom who looks and feels like she has it all together all the time. It seems so easy in theory - just get organized, make some lists, get your butt in gear and pull it together. So why doesn't it always work out that way?

Sometimes it doesn't work out that way because real life happens whether we have planned for it or not. There are days and nights where things just don't go as planned and we can either kick and scream and fight it - or we can step back, take a deep breath and just go with it and focus on staying present and truly living in the moment with our kids. When I step back and really think about it, I don't think my kids really care if I have it all together or not at the moment - I think they just want someone to spend the moment with them. 

I am learning over and over again that life is not neat and tidy - life is a wonderful, enormous blessing from God, but there were no guarantees that it would always be a tidy & easy blessing. And each day usually does not unfold according to my idealistic plan. But I'm beginning to come to a place where I think I can be ok with that, or at least try to be. Don't get me wrong, my kids and my husband are my world and they deserve the best that I can possibly offer them. But I am starting to think that (in my opinion) it's better for me to offer them the happy, relaxed version of myself who might still be in yoga pants and hasn't had a chance to catch up on all the laundry yet than it is to offer them a stressed out, exhausted, frazzled version of myself who has checked everything off her to-do list but hasn't really talked to or played with her kids all day. Obviously I wish I could combine the two. I wish I could check everything off the to do list, play with my kids all day and look & feel fabulous all at the same time....but I just haven't gotten there quite yet. 

My point in saying all of this isn't to condemn anyone who doesn't have it all together and it isn't to slam anyone who does. I guess I have just realized that I've put a lot of pressure one myself to be a certain way and that isn't what God is asking me to do - He isn't the one putting pressure on me or demanding that I get it all together, I am. So the point in saying all of this is just to try to encourage other Moms who may feel the same way. Who also realize that it's time to take whatever it is in your life that is causing you undue amounts of pressure or stress and lay it down. Let it go. Give it to God. Walk away from it. Stop carrying around whatever it is that you are putting on yourself that isn't from God. God is so good to us and he never has and never will put anything on us that is too much for us. He gives us exactly what we can handle by his grace, and he doesn't need or want us adding to it. I don't say all this because it's something that I have perfected - far, far from it. It is something that God has been telling me over and over that I need to do and I hope that by putting it out there it will help me to finally just listen to him and do it. And maybe it will encourage someone else along the way. 

Here's to letting go of the things we thought we knew, and holding on to what we know is true...

Micah 6:8

He has shown you o man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Matt 11:28-30, The Message

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.

And a little encouragement about motherhood from Beth Moore :)
"We only get one shot at it. Once they're grown, they're grown. Give up on doing it perfectly but do it with a lot of heart and a lot of laughter and a WHOLE LOT OF JESUS. And rock them all you can."